I Am What God Makes of Me

A Litany for Ash Wednesday

I am in the mind of God from eternity and always on God’s mind. My mind is in the gutter, fixed on what is passing away.

I am God’s handiwork, expertly knit together in my mother’s womb. The tapestry my life weaves is chaotic and falling apart.

God delights in my existence. I delight in things that bring death.

God is always present, speaking, unveiling, seeking union with me. I am often absent, deaf, blind, consumed with detachment.

God bids me come and die. I strive to stay alive.

God desires that I share his generous way of living. I desire life on my own terms.

God becomes human to share his divine nature with me. I try to escape my humanity, making deals with the devil.

God knows me. I am unknown to myself.

God wants to banish death from me like straw vanishes in flame. I stuff myself with death like a scarecrow.

I am crucified with Christ. I crucify others.

I am embraced by God just as I am. I reject and despise myself.

God loves me by laying down his life. I love myself, putting my life before anyone.

God forgives me. I withhold forgiveness.

God loves my enemies. I wish my enemies harm.

God hands down heaven. I raise hell.

God sees who I am in the end, in the perfection he, in the beginning, intends for me. I see myself in a cracked mirror, broken and irreparable.

God clothes me with his pardon and makes me well. I adorn myself with shame and depend on my addictions.

I am seated with God in the humanity of Jesus Christ, in the person who is what it means to be human and to be God. I got up this morning thinking only of myself, only of what I want, mindless of my spouse or children, or neighbor.

All of this is true at once, and I fool myself to deny any of it. But God’s promises defeat my doubts, and who I am is secure in Christ.

I am what God makes of me, not what I make of myself.